My mom was raised in Heber, UT, by two master storytellers. They passed down their colorful (and sometimes a bit graphic) metaphors, nicknames, and colloquialisms. Two years ago, my brothers and sisters and I held a contest to see who could come up with the most Momisms. Here’s the amazingly long list we came up with.
- I'll be ready in two shakes of a dead lamb's tail.
- That would gag a dog off a gut wagon.
- For pity pat.
-For Pete's Sake
-
--Honey Bunch of Stink Weed (a term of endearment)
-
-We're off like a Shirty Dirt
-
-You want fair, go to Pomona! (referring to the Pomona county fair)
-
-Get that quarter out of your mouth. It could have been sitting in a dead man's eye.
-
-You'll get incapumpus of the blowhole.
-
-You'll get creepin' crotch rot.
-
-If wishes were fishes we'd all have a fry.
-
-You know what thought did... (Ask me if you really want to know the rest. No swearing involved, just potty humor.)
-
-He has about as much personality as a stick of wood.
-
-Yes, but smell isn't everything (e.g. in response to “she’s really strong”)
-
-Yes, but looks aren't everything (e.g. in response to “She’s really funny”)
-
-That's about as fun as a tooth ache
-
-(achoo)ie louis, scuze me please.
-
-You think you're hot snot in a wine glass, but you're really a cold booger in a dixie cup.
-
-You've got St. Vidas' dance.
-
-You're up in the night.
-
-You don't have the sense of a soda cracker.
-
-I may be green and cabbage looking, but I'm not stupid.
-
-Crooked as a dog's hind leg.
-
-Naked as a jaybird.
-
-Hot as hades
-
- He's like a fart on a hot skillet (hyperactive).
-
-If you sing at dinner, you'll cry before the next meal.
-
-What are you two birds doing?
-
-What do you mean jellybean?
-
-I have a sty in my eye--have you been peeing in the road?
-
-I have to P double E!
-
-Ya ding-dong.
-
-It'll feel better when it stops hurting.
-
-(laughing)I'm going to beat you.
-
-You're going to think__________
-
-Probably Obably.
-
-Hellity Flute
-
-Mean as Sour Owl
-
-The whole fam-damily.
-
-Beat the tar out of you.
-
-Scattered from Hell to breakfast.
-
-Why is your face smooth going this way and rough going that way?
-
-I'm gonna beat you with a stick
-
-I'm getting out the wooden spoon.
-
-Knock you into the middle of next week.
-
-Come on, let me rock you, come on...
-
-On my finger, on my thumb, on my belly, on my bum.
-
-We waited for you like one pig waits for another.
-
-Scattered from hell to breakfast.
-
-Until the last dog is hung.
-
-Good honk.
-
-Bring it up again and we'll vote on it. (After someone burps loudly)
-
-Mugwamp (generic nickname).
-
-Mad as hops.
-
-If you sew on the Sabbath, you'll have to pick the stitches out with your nose in the next life.
-
-Mean as cat manure.
-
-That's not worth fish guts.
-
-Cold as a mother-in-law's kiss.
-
-As slow as molassas going uphill on a January morning.
-
-You're strong, but smell isn't everything.
-
-Scared spitless
-
-I was up all day and half the night.
-
-Miss Molly (term of endearment)
-
-If you've seen one butt, you've seen 'em all.
-
-Squehod
-
-Scotty tissue sees every little bum
-
-She's so dumb she couldn't pour pee out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.
